Things to do when felt-up by the TSA

Things to do when felt-up by the TSA

1) When they go for your junk, offer them a fart. A really bad one.
1a) then say:
1b) Mamma Mia, that’s a spicey meatball (using a fake Italian accent)
1c) My Compliments to the Chef!
1d) Sorry, I’m tickleish
1e) We have a winner!
1f) I’d light a match, but they’re banned here.
1g) Can ya smell it? / Do you smell what the Rock is cooking?
1h) Damnit, I was saving that one for the plane.
1j) Ooops, I pooped.
1k) Hazzah!
1m) We are married now, yes? (in Borat accent)
1o) It was the dog (if there is a TSA K9 nearby)
1p) I got some more of that, sexy man
1q) Ahh, I was wondering where I left my keys.
1r) We have a Winner!

2) Fake an orgasm.

3) Have an orgasm

4) Drop your pants so they can get a better view. This works really well if you stick some peppers in your underwear first. For the taste.

Things to say to the TSA when being groped:

1) Was it good for you, too?
2) Oh yeah, oh yea, Oh YEA!
3) Do you have to use the whole fist?
4) Please taze me, bro.
5) Oh yeah, daddy like THAT
6) You missed a spot.
7) Ignore the brown stains
Weeeeeeee!
9) What does your finger smell like at the end of the day? / Can I sniff your fingers?
10) I remember when my teacher used to do this to us at daycare.
11) Would you like a Cleveland Steamer to go along with that?
12) Most TSA screeners make me moist. You don’t.
13) What, no happy ending?
14) I normally have to pay $50 for that
15) When they hit your junk, just “meooowwww”
16) I don’t like this part of Obamacare
17) Yeeeeehawwwww (in a loud redneck voice)
18) let me adjust my package so you can get a better view
19) Careful, it’s hungry.
20) Would you like me to bend over for you?

Someone is Astroturfing the FCC, ERATE ESL 2011

Update: I have received information that the originator of the astro-content is a well-known ERATE web hosting company in Chicago. If confirmed, I will post their name.

(this post contains information about the FCC ERATE program, and assumes that readers know some details about the program. I’m too lazy to provide a comprehensive background now).

Astroturfing: 1. The use of shills to create the impression of a popular movement, through means like letters to newspapers from ‘concerned citizens’, paid opinion pieces, and the formation of grass-roots lobbying groups that are actually funded by a PR group (AstroTurf is fake grass; hence the term). See also sock puppet, tentacle. (courtesy CATB.ORG)

The FCC has recently proposed a change to the eligible services list (ESL), items that are fundable under the ERATE program, that removes web hosting for 2011 forward, stating that it is NOT a basic Internet service (ie; basic conduit access). As soon as this was proposed, out popped the astroturfers.

If anyone knows who is really doing this ‘turfing (i.e. writing the comment template), please drop me an email message to ’slackmaster@gmail.com.’ Btw, I will be cross-referencing names, cities, schools, and service providers to see if there are any matches… and will publish what I find. I wonder if these school districts know that there staff are astroturfing the FCC and may be promoting a commercial entity.

—————————–
Representative Astroturfing, all filed on 7/7/2010.
—————————–

Twanda Banks, 173 Kaigler Road, Georgetown, GA 39854
UPDATE: Technology Director, Quitman County Elementary
I deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the vision to make these services eligible in 2004.

Ronny Murray 1001 N Jackson St, Tullahoma, TN 37388
UPDATE: Technology Director (murrayj@k12tn.net), Tulahoma City School District
I deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the vision to make these services eligible in 2004

Kay Highbarger 13939 Diagonal Road Clearwater, KS 67026
UPDATE: Executive Director, South Central Kansas Education Service Center #628
I deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the vision to make these services eligible in 2004

Tammy Merritt, 3451 GA Highway 266 Cuthbert, GA 39840
UPDATE: Administrative Assistant, Georgia Head Start Association
I deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the vision to make these services eligible in 2004.

Tammy McLane, 406 W. Plains Oreana, IL 62554
UPDATE: Technology Coordinator, Argenta-Oreana Junior High School
I deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the vision to make these services eligible in 2004.

Steven Howe, 301 W 4th Udall, KS 67146
I deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the vision to make these services eligible in 2004.

Stacy Fees, Vista Del Mar USD, 9467 San Julian Road Gaviota, CA 93117
I deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the vision to make these services eligible in 2004.

Rosemary Karcher, Ridgewood Village School District 49 Cottage Place, Ridgewood, NJ 07450
I deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the vision to make these services eligible in 2004.

Ron Swanberg GFW Schools 323 E. 11th Street Gibbon, MN 55335
I deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the vision to make these services eligible in 2004.

Michele White 1 Magnum Pass P O BOX 180069, Mobile, AL 36618
I question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the vision to make these services eligible in 2004.

And….

ECFS Filing: Lisa Amerson (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503174.html

ECFS Filing: Sandra Guinn (02-6) - 12/22/2009
Dec 22, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/22/6015503429.html

ECFS Filing: Jamie R. Burkett (02-6) - 12/17/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/17/6015503001.html

ECFS Filing: Tim Southerland (02-6) - 12/17/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/17/6015503017.html

ECFS Filing: Sue Tucker (02-6) - 12/17/2009
Dec 17, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/17/6015502983.html

ECFS Filing: Matthew Shell (02-6) - 12/17/2009
Dec 17, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/17/6015502951.html

ECFS Filing: Corey Cochran (02-6) - 12/17/2009
Dec 17, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/17/6015502950.html

ECFS Filing: Golda Donaldson (02-6) - 12/17/2009
Dec 17, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/17/6015502966.html

ECFS Filing: Andrew Cohn (02-6) - 12/22/2009
Dec 22, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/22/6015503334.html

ECFS Filing: Robert Hagler (02-6) - 12/17/2009
Dec 17, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/17/6015502879.html

ECFS Filing: Lauderdale County Schools (02-60) - 12/17/2009
Dec 17, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/17/6015502873.html

ECFS Filing: Mark Miller (02-6) - 12/16/2009
Dec 17, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/16/6015502806.html

ECFS Filing: Rachel Arriaga (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503185.html

ECFS Filing: Karen Braxton (02-6) - 01/04/2010
Jan 5, 2010… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2010/01/04/6015504413.html

ECFS Filing: Judy Fletcher (02-6) - 12/28/2009
Dec 28, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/28/6015504197.html

ECFS Filing: Mary Jo Peters (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503205.html

ECFS Filing: Mr. Brian Craig (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503096.html

ECFS Filing: Dianne Anderson (02-6) - 12/18/2009
… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the vision to make …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503219.html

ECFS Filing: Melissa Shields (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503070.html

ECFS Filing: Suzanne Stockton (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503043.html

ECFS Filing: James H. Armand (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503136.html

ECFS Filing: Devlynne Barnes (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503117.html

ECFS Filing: Steven Howe (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503142.html

ECFS Filing: Jim Davis (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503050.html

ECFS Filing: Jessica Donato (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503103.html

ECFS Filing: Peggy Collum (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503177.html

ECFS Filing: Sheila Brawner (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503084.html

ECFS Filing: Sarah L Fletcher (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503105.html

ECFS Filing: Ronnie Wicks (02-6) - 12/18/2009
… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the vision to make …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503095.html

ECFS Filing: Michael Estrada (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503088.html

ECFS Filing: Glenn Stott (02-6) - 12/18/2009
Dec 18, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/18/6015503101.html

ECFS Filing: Stephanie Snyder (02-6) - 12/17/2009
Dec 17, 2009… deeply question how you could state that web sites are not essential to educational purposes, especially given the fact that you had the …
ecfsdocs.fcc.gov/filings/2009/12/17/6015502845.html

How to reply to a Craigslist job posting.

With most job-seekers using at least some sort of online resource these days, one would expect that many of the simple ’sins of omission’ from the good ‘ole typewriter days would be gone.

Nope.

I am in the process of hiring some additional IT staff and have posted a very simple job requirement to Craigslist. Why? A) The company I work at is cheap, and 2) Craigslist is FAST when it comes to applicants.

I want to hire people that can read, write, and comprehend written instructions, so I always include a couple of reply requirements in my online job postings that can tell me a great deal about the applicant.

Simple things, such as ‘don’t include web/tracking bugs in attachments.‘ A tracking bug (a logo, invisible pixel, or other artwork) creates a log, somewhere, that can show when I read a resume, opened an email message, or passed the document along to a colleague. I don’t play that, and I let people know, in simple english, in my job postings.

“Include salary history and/or requirements” isn’t too difficult to do, is it? I’m not going to pay person $80k/year if their last job was $40k/year (unless they are REALLY good, in which case I would). The salary requirement shows me an applicant’s skill progression.

Since I am writing this, you can imagine what did not happen. The job posting was put online yesterday, and today I checked all of the applications:

30 Applicants (typical after one day)
25 applicants did not include their salary history/requirements
3 applicants simply wrote “See Attached” in their email response to the job posting
1 applicant did not include his name in his resume. Anywhere in it.

I’d pull my hair out, but I don’t want to go bald.

PEOPLE! READ THE DAMN JOB POSTING! If you do not feel comfortable including your salary history, previous employers, blood type, tell me why, don’t just leave it off.

Did someone tell you to just ‘robo-reply’ to jobs? If they did, don’t take their advice anymore. Make a great first impression: understand what you are applying for, and at least LOOK LIKE YOU CARE.

Want some more common sense resume tips? Sure ya do! Click HERE

The KGB Wheel (KGB San Diego, 101.5FM)

From: KGB Program Director
To: All Jocks
Subj: Music Rotation

You are to play songs by the following groups, with the quantities listed each hour. I don’t care when, I don’t care how, I don’t care if the songs clash.

Rolling Stones (ONLY from their top-10 hit list, Sympathy for the Devil MUST be played once per shift) (2)
Aerosmith (’dream on’ MUST be played once per shift) (2)
Supertramp (ONLY from ‘Breakfast in America’, ‘long way home’ MUST BE PLAYED on each shift) (1)
Beatles (1 or 2)
Anything from the 1969 ‘metal library’ (2)
Anything from the ‘pop-rock’ library (KISS, BOC (top 5 ONLY), Ozzy (top 5 only), etc..) (2)
Anything from the ‘hair pop band’ library (Scorpions, Def Leppard, etc..) (2)
Any ONE throwback song that is not on the top 150 rotation (1)

Promos:
Dave, Shelley, Chainsaw:
2 Minute Clip: 1
1 minute Clip: 2
Coe’s cafe: 1

Don’t forget to ‘cackle’ as much as possible during the morning show, we need some annoying filler for the post-drive time block.

———————-
And this, folks, is why KGB sucks.

Kyle, the Nut, and Envy

What do these words have in common? They are the result of a real, spontaneously created, Burning Man virtual Theme Camp based around a live video presentation of the Burning Man festival in September 2009.

Hosted by Ustream, the live video link displayed a pole-mounted camera near the center camp location. During the week that was Burning Man, this camera was run, at times, in an automatic 360′ pan. When the camera panned across the support tower, users noticed that one of the support bolts was missing it’s nut. From that point forward, people in the chat section of the stream began to make comments about the missing nut, to the point where the unofficial symbol for the group WAS the nut. Talk about spontaneous performance art!

But that’s not all…. Apparently someone named Kyle went missing on the playa, and his mother dropped by the official radio station, Burning Man Information Radio (BMIR), which also happened to be playing on the video stream, and put out a request for Kyle. Voila! We now have the second meme for the stream, “Kyle.”

Combine these two together and you wind up with stories of Kyle stealing the missing nut, Kyle missing one of HIS nuts, the nut kidnapping Kyle, etc…. much fun was had by all.

The last great meme of the stream may be the long-term creation of a REAL theme camp, Camp Envy, named after the folks watching the stream, envious of the other folks in the desert. This ‘camp’ grew over the week and now has its own Facebook page, it’s own dedicated web page (still looking for a web designer, btw), and probably a real on-playa presence in 2010.

The video stream brought together thousands of people from around the world, many who wanted to be at the event but could not; this is technology at its finest.

Next year, in Black Rock!

Links:
FACEBOOK CAMP ENVY
USTREAM chat room
campenvy.com
-greg
(sdmedia on the ustream system)