A Few (supposedly) Common Sense Resume Rules

UPDATE, JULY 15, 2008
Something happened to me the other day that must be added to this list. In fact, this one resume/job tip is SO important it gets the ‘0′ slot on the list. Please, read on.

I was recently looking for two network engineers (by the time you have read this, they will have been hired, so please don’t send me your resume). Specifically, one Senior and one Junior Field Engineer to assist with my company’s installation and service offerings (basic Internet stuff).

Having read over 100 resumes in the last two days, I have found that the following information may help some of you in your resume preparations, I know it will help my sanity for the next batch I read.

0) If your mommy or daddy calls me about YOUR resume, YOUR prospects for a job, or YOUR performance on the job, consider the job NOT YOURS and your prospects
for EVER being hired by me or any department/company I manage to be NILL.

Lets get real here; do you really think it makes you look like a go-getter, a ‘get the job done’ kind of person, a ‘I can do it’ force of nature, a closer, a code-monster, when when mummy or dada calls the hiring manager and tries to bargain for your job? Unless that call is preceded with an envelope containing no-strings-attached $20k in cash (that MIGHT get you a 3-month probation tryout), consider yourself being branded a ‘pansy,’ a ‘douchebag,’ a ‘mommas-boy,’ and a fool. The ONLY thing worse than this is if your parents call me about your performance review, should you be hired. Again, not good.

1) If you are looking to be hired for a professional position, don’t list GRADE SCHOOL achievements, even if they were the biggest thing to happen in your life.
Example: Applicant has seven years of high-tech experience with really top-end stuff, went to two community colleges (good on the resume) but he lists “Honor Role, 6th through 8th grade.”

You have got be F*%##NG kidding me!

2) If you are replying to a posting on Craigslist, your local paper, or even a flyer, please READ and UNDERSTAND what is being asked of you, and reply appropriately.
If I was looking for a salesperson, a help-desk jockey, a phone support slug, I would have asked for it. Those words don’t appear in my job listings for a reason. I’m looking for FIELD ENGINEERS who are willing to travel. A Lot.

Which leads me to….

3) If a posting says “requires XX% travel,” don’t try to negotiate!
There is probably a reason why that requirement is there. Yep, I need folks who can travel. A Lot.

4) READ THE REQUIREMENTS. If it says “Must have current CCNA or CCDA, MCSE,” you better have them, else you are wasting my time.
Don’t waste my time with “pursuing CCNA” stuff. Can it get worse than that? Yep. “CCNA 1997-1999.” So, your CCNA is no longer current and you haven’t renewed it? Guess what? I’m not going to bother calling you to find out. If you want to make people contact you regarding the job, make it so they WANT to contact you based on your skill set, not that they HAVE to contact you to clarify your resume. Some companies will call you back. I won’t, but I will keep your resume and name on file with all of my notations. If you apply again for a position, your name gets run through my database first.

5) You don’t need to use a beautiful template for your resume, but at least use something that has: a logical flow, a consistent use of indentation, bold, italics (ie; STYLE).
Some hiring folks don’t like styled resumes, but I do. I like not reading the same thing in the same format over and over again. Variety is good. Colored paper, however, is BAD. SCENTED PAPER IS WORSE!

6) Dates matter, more than you think.
I don’t make hiring decisions based on age. Doing so is illegal and just plain bad form. Some folks don’t like listing years next to their job history because it makes them look old, like job-hoppers, or because they have been laid-off for a long time. I WANT to see years because:
a) It lets me know the type/era of equipment you really used on the job. Some of my clients use the same hardware and software they purchased in 1990. I need to know that you have really had hands-on experience with it.
b) (evil grin) it lets me know if you are job hopper. I look at this and your certification dates to see if you are a job-cert-hopper. I will ask this anyway if you get past the paper screening, so save us both time and just list it, okay?
c) List when you graduated/achieved certs. DO NOT INCLUDE YOUR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL (see #1 above).

7) White space is good!
Leave me some room to write comments about your qualifications, your resume, basic impressions of YOU. If I can’t find enough space to write comments, my writing gets all squished and I will not be able to read it later.

DO NOT EMBED WEB-BUGS (transparent GIFs!) IN WORD(TM) DOCUMENTS!
If you do this, your resume will be thrown out w/o being read. Sure, most people will never notice these things, but I don’t want to be spied on. If you want to know if I read your resume, email me or wait for my call. I will not think that you are a technical expert if you implant bugs in your resume that ‘call home’ to your tracking server. I WILL think you are an a**hole.

9) If the posting asks for a cover letter, send a damn cover letter!
The cover letter is you introducing you. I use this item (or lack of it) as a method of seeing if an applicant is serious about a position (vs. rip/send from a job listing), can put together one paragraph, and can coherently string TWO paragraphs together. Nothing is worse than an email message with “resume attached” as the sole content. It doesn’t look good, not good at all….. Don’t be THIS GUY:

Speaking of attachments…..

10) If you send a resume and cover letter attachment, don’t name them ‘resume.doc’ and ‘cover_letter.doc’
It may never have crossed your mind, but when I need to find a resume, I look for files. If I see a resume named “john-smith-2007-resume.doc’ my mind is happy (hey, I found YOU). If all I see are “resume[1].doc” files, my mind is not thinking happy thoughts, as I now need to open up all of the un-named resume files. Well guess what folks? I won’t waste my time trying to find an unnamed resume. Your perfectly spelled, laid-out, perfect fit resume is in the trash. Your name is important in this life, use its power!

Who the hell am I, anyway?
The author is the Vice President of Engineering at a San Diego high-tech company. He has been in the industry since 1981, screens all resumes and hires his own staff. Oh, and he was in the ‘gifted’ program at his elementary school from 3rd through 8th grade.

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